The conundrum of blogging, twelve years later

The morning I began to type this post, I had just received an email from a blog sponsor telling me I had been removed from their program and would no longer receive compensation because of low engagement from my site. Understandable when explained that way. What I failed to mention to them, (which I see no point in doing now) was that several months before they had asked all participants to install a new promotional widget. In order for me to do that, I had to upgrade the version of my site, which required me to pay GoDaddy $$$ to upgrade. It was a shock to pay so much, but I love my blog and I did it. I installed the widget, and then moved on.

But then I kept getting notifications that my website was down. It was failing to load over and over. I was excited to blog again but it’s hard to do that when your website won’t even let you log in. When I called GoDaddy, their answer was to pay to upgrade. But I explained that I just HAD upgraded. But they wanted me to upgrade even MORE. I’ve been livid thinking about this and feel scammed. I had upgraded because my sponsor needed to, not because I wanted to. Then the upgrade broke my site.

After I received my demotion email,  I removed the widget from the sponsor and now the site seems to be working better…so I don’t know what to make of all that. But now I feel kind of free. The compensation I got from them was small. I have a day job, so it really isn’t a problem for me. But I see how other bloggers get caught in a compensation and validation trap to produce content and get caught in a cycle to satisfy sponsors.

A few weeks ago when my busted blog was averaging 1 view a week (and I think that 1 person was me), I was feeling low. Why am I even doing this? Do people even care about blogs now? I haven’t even shared a style post in months here. I have them, but I literally have not had a chance to share any of them. I am (and so many other bloggers, writers, and content creators) are more complex than just that. We have multifaceted tastes and adventures that sometimes don’t fit in this space. It’s the same issue people have been dealing with on Instagram. When you’re pressured to post for likes and sponsors versus the real you, it doesn’t feel authentic. And some bloggers are bad at this. They are deprived of creativity. I had a low threshold for pressure to post. I wanted to make myself happy, not someone else. And oddly enough, I finally get the freedom to do that.

In the journey to fix my website, I literally had to go back to the beginning of my posting (way back to 2006) to get rid of content that may have been eating up resources. I saw very old posts that were so random, just stream of thought posting of which I’m glad no one looks at anymore :) I saw the very first comments, back when people were EXCITED to communicate and have a dialogue. I saw some embarrassing posts and some that I remember really loving. I want that again. In the end, the website is running better. I don’t know if I should be more mad at the exSponsor, GoDaddy, or myself!

I guess this a story of how my blog broke, and how that didn’t break me.

Posted in: me